You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
