..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
