Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
