i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
