my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
