You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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