Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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