OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
