come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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