I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
