I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
