after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
