"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
