I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
