Who wears a wallet chain?!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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