Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
