I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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