Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
