I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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