shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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