I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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