i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
