Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
