Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
