So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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