she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
