I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
