i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
