There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
