I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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