oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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