Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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