if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
