i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
