I'm really into asian looking animals
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
