he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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