So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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