She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
bring money and cleavage
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
