i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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