Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
