Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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