I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
