So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
