guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
