I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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