i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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