we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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