Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
