yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
