He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
