OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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